I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
