stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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