apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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