Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
