Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
