it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
