U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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