I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
