I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
