I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
