when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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