whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
