TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
