You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
