Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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