Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
