youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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