the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize