I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
