yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
