i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
