Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
