She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
