I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
