yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
