i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
