My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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