When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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