Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize