i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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