What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
