I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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