she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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