i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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