It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
