I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
