My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
