Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
