found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
