Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Found the puke drawer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
