I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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