I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
