I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
