I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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