No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who died my cat blue again?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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