Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
