I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
