So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
