At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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