I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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