So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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