I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
