He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
