My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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