I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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