Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
