What a fucking waste of an outfit
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
