if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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