mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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