Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
