dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
