Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
