Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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