bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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