You really coming over, don't trick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize