Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
