his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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