24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
