She is in my trunk
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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