Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
