Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is the high leading the old right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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