Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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